And Nine Months Later, Hand Towels!

Eight-year-old boy: ... So I whipped out my peanut and had sex with the sheets...

--Near the Steeplechase, Coney Island Beach, New York

Overheard by: beach soccer bum

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Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

No Longer My Favorite Sacrament

Dude on cell: I don't think the marriage thing is going to work... Why? Because I'm already married!

--Smith Point, Long Island, New York

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Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Mom, It's Me.

Lady to strangers: Sorry to ask you this, but my sons hate me and won't touch me, so can you put some sunscreen on my back?

--Southern Shores, North Carolina

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Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

It's Actually Working Out Pretty Okay

Drunk girl: So, what do you do?
Drunk guy: Honestly? I sell weed. And surf.

--Bar, Long Beach, California

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Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

All of Western Medicine Is at Your Disposal

30-ish chick #1: Well, maybe your body is telling you that it's time to have a baby.
30-ish chick #2: Well, maybe I'll just tell my body to shut the fuck up.

--Jones Beach, New York

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Posted 2007-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I've Gone to DefCon 5

Chick: Nothing is getting in my ass!
Dude: Not even a pinky?
Chick: Not even a pinky!

--Huntington Beach, California

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Posted 2007-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

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