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I Was Wondering If I Might Borrow One of Your Mouths?
Middle-aged man: Hi, girls. I was wondering if I could borrow one of your magazines. My wife is really bored and forgot her book. I'll give you a drink in return.
Group of 20-ish girls: No problem. Here's a People mag.
Middle-aged man: Thanks. See ya.
Middle-aged woman walks over laughing and whispers: Girls, my husband is so shy -- I can't believe he actually did that! And do you know what I have to do in return? [Girls stare.] I have to give him a blowjob tonight!
--Sullivan's Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Meghan
Though I Often Doubt If They Are Worth It
Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child's first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn't in my tour book.
Native man: It's something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.
--Kohala, Hawaii
Overheard by: BLondie
... I Got Better
Beach bunny #1: I totally slept with Brandon last night.
Beach bunny #2: How was it?
Beach bunny #1: Awesome. He was so fucking huge he, like, broke my vagina.
Beach bunny #2: Damn. That's saying a lot.
Beach bunny #1, happily: I know! I'm a total whore!
--Del Mar Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Brandon stole my girlfriend
Dude, Everybody Used to Wear Their Hair Like That
Suburban man #1: What about Sam Adams?
Suburban man #2: Ugh, I hate all Sam Adams beers. I would never touch the stuff.
Suburban man #1: Why?
Suburban man #2: Well, Sam Adams was a gay man. And, well, I believe in gayness, but I just don't think gay people can make beer.
--Lake Waubeeka, Connecticut
Overheard by: Hametuka
It's the Waking Up Part That Worries Me
Cyclist to her friend: I've had trouble sleeping ever since I got zapped by lightning.
--Monterey, California
Overheard by: RhiannonStone
Not Until I Can Get Your Rubber Gloves Out of the Diaper Bag
Little boy: Daddy, look what I found in the sand!
Father: Don't touch it. I don't know what it is, but don't touch it.
--Jungle Gym, Coney Island Beach, New York
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