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Go Directly to Hell. Do Not Collect $200
Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.
--Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida
Remember What Happened When You Tried to Do That at the Met?
Mexican tour guide: Virgin women between the ages of 19-24 were sacrificed at the top of the main temple to the sun god--
Bored Brit #1: --What he really means is that all the pretty birds had already been laid so they had to sacrifice the ugly birds for the benefit of the future civilization.
Bored Brit #2: I don't care. All I want to do is run to the top of that little temple, have a fag, and look at the ocean.
--Cancun, Mexico
But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly
Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We've been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!
--Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Guy: You're Heinous! This Is a Gun
Girl #1: But you were dancing with that guy...
Girl #2: Which guy?
Girl #1: The guy with the hard-on.
Girl #2: Which one?
--South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Ladle
Well, It's Nighttime There Now, So I'm Not Sure
Dude: I have a dog at home, too -- it's a golden retriever.
Australian chick: Really? What color is it?
--Boracay Island, Philippines
Overheard by: Kiteboarder
Well, We Don't Have Time for Both
Little boy: I'm hungry.
Mother: Okay, we will eat in a few minutes.
Little boy: I want to cut your arm off!
--Blue Water Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Lydia
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