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The Rest of the Time I Wear a "F*ck Bush" Hat
College guy: Were you in the Airborne?
Guy in wheelchair wearing 'Army Airborne' hat and playing guitar for money: No, but the hat helps on holiday weekends.
--Ocean City, Maryland
I Plan to Ménage à Trois with You
Older sister on cell speakerphone: Are you looking forward to seeing me on Friday?
Little sister: I am!
Older sister: You're probably not looking forward to seeing Mike, though, are you?
Little sister: No, I'm looking forward to seeing him, too.
Mike, though speakerphone: Hah!
--Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cols
Cher Is My Mom -- This Fall on Lifetime
Teen girl: My ribs are so big!
Mom: You can blame your father for that.
Dad: Your ribs are fine.
Teen girl: They look like a second set of boobs!
Dad: They look fine.
Mom: You know, you can get surgery to have some of them removed.
--Belmar, New Jersey
I Just Said It Would Make Me Happy
Man on cell: Well, I didn't explicitly tell him to kill himself...
--Santa Cruz Boardwalk, California
Oh, That Ought to Narrow It Down
Druggie hipster #1 to friend out of earshot: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Come here!
Druggie hipster #2: Ugh, what's her name? Come here! Hey!
Black guy passerby: Hey, white bitch!
--Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Audra
I'm Not Taking You to the ER If It Bites You Again
Mom to son as he runs off to play: Don't touch the sand! Don't touch the sand!
--Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Jawdropped
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