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Looks Like a Stand-off
Crazy bag lady: I'm Ozzy's mommy!
Queer: No, you're not! You're a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag!
--St. Petersburg, Florida
"Arf-Arf" Means "Give Me the Meat or Die!"
Six-year-old boy running with hot dog in hand, chased by leash-less Doberman Pinscher: Look, Dad!
Suddenly-observant father: No! Drop that meat!
Six-year-old boy, still running with hot dog in hand: But Dad, I'm learning to speak dog!
--Ocean Beach's Dog Beach, California
Overheard by: fishwhisperer
Who Didn't, Really?
Brunette: I've always wanted a tattoo, but I don't think I'm going to get one. You can't get buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have a tattoo.
Blonde: Why would you want to get married in a Jewish cemetery?
Brunette: Not married. Buried.
Blonde: Oh... So, are you Jewish?
Brunette: Yes.
Blonde: What is it with Jews always wanting to marry other Jews?
Brunette: I guess part of it is that the Jews have been persecuted so much, so people want to make sure to perpetuate the race.
Blonde: Really? Like who? Who persecuted the Jews?
Brunette: Um... well... the Nazis.
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Do They Make My Junk Look Fat?
Blonde, very loudly: You know, if I was a guy, these bikini bottoms would really cut into my balls!
--Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Anne
That's Really More of a South-of-Maryland Thing
Early-20s chick: I mean, I love my dad as a father and a friend, but, like, definitely not as a husband.
--Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: awesome is as awesome does
Where Do You Live, Again?
10-year-old boy: My mom is such a fucking slut.
--Malibu, California
Overheard by: nicole
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