Joe Francis's Spidey Sense Is Tingling

College girl #1: You're a total slut in college. I love it.
College girl #2: I know! I didn't get to be one in high school -- I'm making up for lost slut time.

--Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

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Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

And I'm Just Itching to Talk about It

Four-year-old boy scampering on shore: She's got crabs! She's got crabs! She's got crabs!
Mom wading in water: Stop saying that!
Four-year-old boy: But you do... They're all over down there!

--Sharky's Beach, Port Charlotte, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Hey, I'm Not Giving Up My Good-Luck Marmoset

Stoned surfer #1: Sharks never attack people unless you, like, swim around with a bloody, severed leg tied around your neck.
Stoned surfer #2: Yeah, or like a severed arm or a dead monkey or something.

--Bolinas, California

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Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I Tried to Solve Both Problems by Eating Her

Big man: No, I never blamed my wife for me being fat. I blame her for me being a nympho... Not for being fat, though...

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

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Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Really More of a Fourth-Date Question

Blonde: Hey, can you look at my butt? Do I have blood on my butt?
Guy: Uh, what?
Blonde: I have my period -- I just want to make sure I don't have blood on my butt.
Guy: What? Ew.

--Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: Sarah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

And It's Self-Licking

White girl, about black girl's cat in her lap: I love your cat! Scratch that... I love your pussy!
Black girl: Haha! Yes, my big, black pussy is awesome!
White girl: I love to stroke your pussy. It's so soft.
Guy: Your pussy vibrates when you touch it! [Cat jumps away and goes to the window.]
Black girl: Sometimes my pussy gets lonely and likes to go stare out the window.
Guy: Damn! Everyone can see your big, black pussy from that window! Shameful!
White girl: Maybe your pussy needs some attention.
Black girl: Nah! Nobody wants a black pussy!
White girl: That ain't true! Lots of people do!
Black girl: No! Everyone loves a white pussy! ... You should bring out yours.
White girl: My pussy isn't white... It's brown with orange speckles.
Guy: Ew!

--Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Kelly

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Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

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