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My Ego Is Growing Dangerously Large, and I Need to Be Put Down
Girl: Burn me! Come on! Burn meee!
--Hastings Beach, England
Overheard by: Daisy
Two Words: Ironclad Prenup
Ana #1: Oh my god, look at that guy. He's huge!
Ana #2: Like, really, someone needs to introduce him to Weight Watchers or something!
Girl passerby: Hey, snugglebutt! [Gives large guy hug and kiss.]
Ana #1: What the fuck?
Ana #2: Girlfriend? That fat whale?
Girl passerby: Husband. And you two might have men in your lives if you actually had boobs rather than a caved-in skeleton chest. Come on, schnookums, let's go get some ice cream.
--Westerly, Rhode Island
Overheard by: blanket not far away, lauging my ass off
Focus -- We're Trashing People Here
Biotech #1: Wow. Did you see his new girlfriend over there?
Biotech #2: Yeah. She's got cottage cheese legs.
Bimbette: Really? Where is she? Is she fat?
Biotech #2: It's not that she's fat, it's just that... well... she's built like a linebacker.
Bimbette, looking in opposite direction: Hey, look -- volleyball!
--Hamburg Beach, Germany
I Married Your Mother for Her Grand Tetons
Little boy, somewhat sheepishly: Dad, are you fascinated by rocks?
Dad, sincerely enthusiastic: I love rocks!
--Venice Beach, California
Without Having to Open Your Eyes
Drunk dude: I like mescaline for breakfast, because then all day you see all kinds of different shit.
--Pacific Beach, California
... At Least 50% of the Time
Female tourist on charter sailboat: Will this boat tip over?
Captain: No. It will go over a little bit, but it won't tip over.
Female tourist: Good. I was worried about that.
Captain: Well, if it does, it'll come right back up.
--Panama City Beach, Florida
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