The Bible Omitted the Serpent's Jet-Ski Pitch

Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It's paradise!

--Paradise Island, The Bahamas

Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Joe's Mistake Was to Try to Fulfill Both Commands at Once

Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don't you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!

--Playa Del Rey, CA

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Now That I Have This Inconvenient Infection

Teenage girl: So I've decided not to be a slut anymore.

--Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I Wonder If He Realizes He'll Never Go Back?

Skinny white guy, unaware that white girlfriend's huge black brother is walking behind him: I don't know why, but I just really want to fuck a black chick!

--Robert Moses, New York

Overheard by: Zep

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

No, Let's Talk More about the Cheese

Woman: Where are you from?
Twelve-year-old boy: Minnesota.
Woman: Oh, yeah, you have really good cheese there.
Boy: Ummmm...
Woman: Oh, wait. No. That's Wisconsin. They have really good cheese.
Boy: Yeah. They do. But I'm from Minnesota.

--Virginia Beach

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

This Is Where You Realize That's What I've Always Been

Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?

--Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ilyse

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Read the Previous Week's Quotes!