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Winter In Maine Is ...Less Than Exciting
Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper...
--All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
They Pump in The "Surf" White Noise To Mute Conversations
Girl on cell: Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm in the library. (pause) Yes. (pause) No, I can't talk, I'm studying.
--Blemar Beach, New Jersey
If He Really Cared, He'd Keep You Chained to the Radiator
Middle aged woman: And, like, you can just tell he doesn't truly love her or respect her as a woman because he lets her go out like that. I mean, my husband will always tell me to put a t-shirt on under something that's too low-cut, 'cause he doesn't want anyone staring. Now he loves me.
--Malibu, California
We've Decided Not to Allow You in the Water
Lifeguard to wading mother: That girl is too small. She can't be out that far. She has to be within arm's length.
Mother: How far is arm's length?
--Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: hefferlump
What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!
--Oval Beach, Michigan
Overheard by: Steph
My First Day As a Nursing Home Aide
Girl #1: Yeah, and then I threw a book and it hit her in the throat. I was like, "hi-ya!"
Girl #2: Oh, why didn't you text me afterwards?
Girl #1: I was busy because then I threw one at her stomach. "Hi-ya!" Times four!
--Cape Cod, Massachusetts
I Keep All Mine in My Pants
Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I've been drinking all day, but you're the one that doesn't got their shit together!
--Huntington Beach, California
So Narcissism...Makes Me Look Fat?
Girl #1: What do you say when people ask about me?
Girl #2: "She's a narcissistic freak."
Girl #1: What kind of narcissist am I?
Girl #2: (stares blankly)
Girl #1: A pretty oneee.
Girl #2: You want me to lie to you?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Just kidding--you're not not pretty.
Girl #1: What?!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You're saying I'm not ugly but I'm not pretty.
Girl #2: You're in limbo between pretty and ugly, so being mean to me makes you ugly.
--Kure Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Bee
Moral: You Should Always Take Your Camera When There's the Chance There Will Be Lesbians.
Teen male #1: I just saw two lesbians kissing in the water.
Teen male #2: What? Why didn't you take a fucking picture?
Teen male #1: Right, I forgot to take my camera phone with me while diving into the water...
--North Crete, Greece
...Starring Will.i.am As John the Baptist
Band kid to another: It was both gay and funny, like Jesus and Fergie combined.
--Palm Coast, Florida
Overheard by: Dahbuke
And the Tour Guide Was Like, "This Is Your Congressman."
Biker's lady to biker: He had this plastic bag of poison ivy and was rubbing it on his face...
--Point Pleasant, New Jersey
I've Also Decided I'm an Elderly Asian Woman This Week
Guy on cell: Yes, I'm on the beach. I told you, I'm in the Caribbean this week.
--Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: debbie downer
