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Especially for the Part of It That's Passing Through Me
Drunk girl, holding a can of Milwaukee's Best, sadly: ...I feel bad for Milwaukee.
--Santa Barbara, California
But Since It's Me, I Know I'm Just Lazy
University of Miami girl: If I wasn't me, I'd think I was stupid.
--Miami Beach, Florida
You'd Think If Anybody Was Pro-Life It Would Be God
Queer: So, like, let me get this straight. God got this lady pregnant and made her have a baby and then killed it so you could get away with whatever shit you wanted as long as you felt sorry?
Christian guy: Wow... I've never heard it put that way...
Queer: Sorry, I meant he killed him, it was a boy.
--Santa Cruz, California
You're Barefoot, Amy
Sober girl: You have no idea what's going on!
Drunk blonde: Yes I do! I am still totally relevant to what is going on!
Sober girl: Wait, what?
Drunk blonde: Oh, relevant of! Relevant of what is going on!... Aren't these shoes sexy?
--Santa Barbara, California
Two Liters Of Beer Goggles, Stat!
Sober girl in crowded bar: I forgot what assholes people are.
--dive bar in Santa Cruz
...According to That Cosmo Quiz
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
--Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Idiots Are Generally Immune to Sarcasm
American girl #1: So, did you bring the book?
American girl #2: What book?
American girl #1: The book.
American girl #2: Ohh... Ant farm?
American girl #1: No. The bible. Fucking idiot.
--Aix en Provence, France
Overheard by: Ant Farm pretty much IS the Bible
Holding It in Is Great for the Glutes
Fitness instructor, to participant complaining of leg cramps: Make sure you get a banana in you before you head to work.
--Crescent Bay Park, Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: JD
Dude, I Think She's Advertising!
Preteen boy #1, whispering to pal: Dude! Look at that girl lying over there. Her bikini's pulled up so tight it's up in her snatch.
Preteen boy #2, whispering back: Quiet... Damn!
Preteen boy #1: What's that sticking out?
Preteen boy #2: I think it's hair, dude.
Preteen boy #1: They got hair down there?
[they high-five each other]
Preteen boy #1: It's kind of gross and cool at the same time.
--Padre Island, Texas
And They'll Fight Your Enemies to the Death
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, my dad's getting re-married this summer.
Teenage girl #2: Omigod, my dad just got one of those Filipino mail order brides, and let me tell you, they make the best egg rolls ever.
--Nassau, Bahamas
Overheard by: Spring Break wooooo!
I Assumed He Was the Nasty Boy Whose Coming Janet Jackson Foretold
Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.
--Jones Beach, Long Island, New York
We Know That Spidey-Sense Well
Drunk college student, spilling wine on herself: Oh great. Now I'm wet all over!
Drunk college boy nearby: What! Who said that!?
--Gold Coast, Australia
