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Remember When The Tree Had Real Candles?
Salty sea dog: And the new LED Christmas lights? They'll never burn down your Christmas tree. You'll have to do that yourself.
--Morro Bay, California
Overheard by: Colin
Does Anyone?
Excessively tan man: I don't trust SPF 14 anyway.
--Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Jo
At the "That's What She Said" Quarterfinals
Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You're sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I'll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!
--St. Paul, Minnesota
So I Only Hurt Myself
Drunk guy: I'm scared of you... You look dangerous, like you could beat somebody up.
Drunk girl: What? Why?
Drunk guy: It's the headband, you look like you know karate.
Drunk girl: I don't know karate, I know yoga.
--Beaufort, South Carolina
Overheard by: Wish I had that logic....
Nice Goiter
Cute girl walking down the boardwalk: I've been stared at seven times already!
Random guy walking past: Eight.
--Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: bonzo
As Required by State Law
Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!
--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: beach*blonde
Omagah, Except for Now!
Blond waitress to patron: I'm like one of those, you know. The kind that don't make mistakes.
--Santa Monica Pier, Santa Monica, California
There's the Worm Poking Its Head Out Now.
Female Hamptons yuppie: Tequila goes straight to my crotch.
--The Hamptons, New York
Overheard by: Mike
I Like to Talk About Them and Watch for Erections
Girl: I didn't realize my nipples were dark until I went to sleep-away camp and the girls in my tent were like: "Um. Wow." I went topless in Jamaica and they were, like, black when I came back.
--Long Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
Anyone Else's Bra Need a Refill?
Golden girl: Excuse me, bartender!
(harried bartender grunts at her)
Golden girl: Bartender, can I just have an ice cube please?
(harried bartender fills a cup with ice cubes and slams it down in front of her)
Golder girl: What am I supposed to do with all of these? I just wanted one to put in my bra!
--Colony Hotel, Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Becka Dash
If Gilligan Could Have a Coconut Radio, Anything's Possible
Chubby man, kicking around the sand: Hey, have you guys seen a set of keys over here?
Asian girl: Um. No. Sorry.
Chubby man: Shit. I must have buried the car keys in the sand on accident. My wife's gonna kill me.
Asian girl: I haven't seen any keys, unfortunately.
Chubby man: Hey, do you think the beach has a Lost and Found box anywhere?
--Big Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: Responsible Tourist
Loss of Virginity's Contagious
[Three ten-year-old boys cycling past the beach.]
Boy #1: Why you going so fast?!
Boy #2: [Missing front teeth, which makes him lisp.] Becauth he wath fucking her latht night!
Boy #3: What?!!!
--Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: They grow up quickly these days!
