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Elizabeth: 0 Ice Cream Man: 1
Limping girl with bandages and arm in a sling: I dunno, he started driving away so I just grabbed on.
--Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Max
Then That Toast You Made Me for Breakfast Was All Lies?
Mom to toddler: Do not take your bathing suit off! You can't walk around naked! We're not French!
--Ocean Beach, New Jersey
You Should Take It Through the Carwash Today
Teen boy on beach, moving desperately: Holy fuck, there's something in my shorts!
Teen floozy in too-tight hot pink rubber bands: No shit, Sherlock. I was riding it last night.
--Tybee, Georgia
Overheard by: Sunbather pining for her girlfriend
The Apple Gets Adam and Steve in Trouble
Queer #1, holding apple core: Is this biodegradable?
Queer #2, driving: Yes!
Queer #1: Okay! (tosses it out the window)
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
What Could Be Safer Than Anal?
White trash girl to friend: Whatever, I'm on my period, so I'm not even worried about it.
Gay male friend: You can still get pregnant on your period, I think.
(awkward silence)
White trash girl, laughing: You are such a fucking retard.
--Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ryan L
Hey, Jews Are More Than a Side Dish
Hot tan girl reading specials board: Does that say tuna and Jews?
Hot pale girl: Um, no. That says "with chips."
--Crazy Gringo, Weirs Beach, New Hampshire
Drools a Lot, Though
Guy: I don't understand that song. I mean, how can hips not lie? That's like saying, "my nipples don't argue."
Friend: Well, my cock never complains.
--Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: raerae
At Least, I Think It Was Mine
50-something woman: My pee was sort of yellowish today!
Younger friend: (nods earnestly)
--Mission Valley, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Thank Goodness!
Doesn't Your Watch Have an App for That?
Girl #1: I lost my fucking phone the other day.
Girl #2: Oh no, I hate when that happens.
Girl #1: I know, right? I never know what the time is now!
--St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne
Overheard by: Alex
...And Pass the Vodka
Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for... the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!
--Jamaica
Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto
My Cancer Never Forgets Me
Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I'd go back to Arkansas and he'd forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah... Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.
--Fort Myers Beach, Florida
The Only Acceptable Place for a Jonas Brothers Poster
Trailer trash girl: Daddy, should I put this in the toilet or hang it on the wall?
Dad: In the toilet, of course!
--Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts
