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At the Ignorant American Semifinals
Boy #1: What's a turban?
Boy #2: It's what terrorists wear.
Boy #1: Is that common knowledge? (ties beach towel around his head)
--Bridgehampton, New York
Overheard by: CCW
A George Clooney Movie and Half a Pint Of Ben and Jerry's?
Girl: Let's eat here, it's better value.
Boy: More satisfying?
Girl: No. What satisfies me, they don't sell here.
--Sushi Bar, Gold Coast, Australia
Sure It's Not the Sweet Pangs Of Love?
Nagging wife on bicycle to defeated downtrodden husband on bicycle: The more I talk to you, the more my stomach is getting aggravated... 'cause you're an asshole!
--South Beach Boardwalk, New York
Overheard by: J9 and G-Rod
...But, to Be Fair, There Are Douchebags Everywhere.
Big burly tattooed Bostonian man: They found 'em in Jersey and Lake Michigan.
--Cape Cod Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Nancy and Andrea
We'll Never Understand the Russian Zodiac
Old man to wife, in Russian: What sign are you?
Woman: I'm a fish.
Old man: Shark, son of a bitch.
--Hallandale Beach Boulevard, Florida
Overheard by: superemanuella
Except on a Hot Day When I'm Looking for Shade
Teenage girl: I hate my sister so much... She's so fat! And I just really hate fat people.
--Cedar Creek Beach, Nebraska
Gatorade Grows on You.
Guy: This tastes like nuclear horse piss!
--Jones Beach Theater, New York
I Must Now Take 300 Digital Photographs
Tourist woman, looking at bushes of rose hips: Oh! Look at all the baby tomatoes!
--Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts
And Ketchup
American female tourist #1: So what did you say your favorite condoment was ?
American female tourist #2: Trojans!
American male tourist: You kiddin ... Mine is Europe, every time!
--Holland America Cruise, Mediterrean Sea
Overheard by: Vennfix
...With Your Penis Being the Obvious Exception.
Girl playing volleyball, as guy switches to her teach to even up sides: I promise we won't suck too much...
--Adelaide, Australia
One Day You, Too, Can Be a Douchebag!
Out-of-shape 50-something customer: I don't know, the guys I see riding fixed-gear bikes are in really good shape.
20-something bike salesman: That shouldn't intimidate you; it should inspire you.
--Sag Harbor, New York
Overheard by: the lerpa
...I'm Writing a Letter to My Congressman.
Young 20-something guy, while texting: Is tranny spelled with one "n" or two?
--Ferry, Fire Island, New York
