The Partial-Birth Ones Are to Die for

Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions...

--Tampa, Florida

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Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Her Father Is Data from Goonies

Guy to girl: I'm going set up booby traps round your house!
Girl to guy: Oooh, booby traps, I like the sound of that...

--Tampa, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Here's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to Explain

Girl #1: Dude, my retainer smells nasty!
Girl #2: Just put a little bleach on it.
Girl #1: Wouldn't that kill me?
Girl #2: Yeah, but it will make your teeth whiter.

--Tampa, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Kelly and Sharon Osbourne Have Always Been Close

Mother to daughter reading a running magazine: Which is harder, running on a treadmill...
Daughter, yelling: Your mum!

--Tampa, Florida

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Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Actually, Write Her a Nice Card Inviting Her to Do So.

Girl on cell: Suck a dick! Tell Vanessa to suck a dick too!

--Long Branch, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mr. Pacman and the Pacman Ghost

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?
Posted 2010-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

When the Game Show Network Merged With the History Channel

Girl to friend: I'm going to name one of my friends Jew and the other one Hitler, so it would be like Family Feud.

--Tampa, Florida

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Posted 2010-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

What's the Answer That Won't Have You Thinking I'm Gay?

Guy to girl: I have a wiener dog that is a pain in the ass!
Girl: Is that supposed to be a pun?

--Tampa, Florida

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Posted 2010-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Actually, It Was a Great Party!

20-something girl on cell: The baby-changing room?! That's horrid!

--Interislander Ferry, New Zealand

Overheard by: Sally

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Posted 2010-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Women's Locker Rooms Are Wasted on Straight Chicks

Petite blonde with small breasts: I have my own boobs... I don't care about anyone else's boobs.

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

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Posted 2010-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

David Hasselhoff? Really?

16-year-old on phone: So he tried to sell you heroin?

--North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: That guy

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Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You

Ditzy blonde tourist: I'm in New York City, and I have no idea what to do.

--Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Mimi

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Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

...And We're Coming from a Paula Abdul Tribute Concert.

Girl wearing bikini to group of girls wearing chunky sneakers, shorts with suspenders and bedazzled tank tops: Why are you guys wearing that?
Girl in group, nonchalantly: Cuz' we lookin' swagalicious.

--St. Joseph, Michigan

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Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook