Overheard at the Beach

What's More Flattering Than Becoming Whacking Material?

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Cute brunette in black bikini to boyfriend: Can we go? There's a guy over there filming us.
Boyfriend: Where?
Brunette: Over there, in the white shorts. What a creeper!
(a few minutes after)
Brunette's female friend: White shorts is going in the water. I hope he gets his camera wet.
Brunette: It's actually kinda flattering.
Boyfriend: First you're all insulted, and now your flattered. Pfft!

--Beach, Chicago, Illinois

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-09-26

Dad's Kind Of a Giant Sand Dick

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Four-year-old girl: Look daddy, I'm going to make a sand castle!
Inexplicably angry father: You know that's not going to work! The sand has to be wet. I thought we went over this already, but you never listen, do you?

--Grand Bend, Canadia

Overheard by: Castle

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-09-24

Further Evidence That Only Slow or Stupid Children Get Abducted

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Mother to son: How many times can I tell you not to touch the hobos!?

--Coney Island, New York

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-09-23

Jake Had Wondered About the Footprints on His Countertop

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Blonde beach girl: I'm going t stop by Jake's house after this and ask him if I can wash my vagina out in his sink.

--Belmar, New Jersey

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-09-22

You Can Be Our Token Sober Person

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Girl on cell: Hey! I'm having a barbecue tonight! You should totally come over to my place and drink juice. And by "juice," I mean sooodaaaa.

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-25

Geologic Time Has Nothing on Family Time

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Chubby guy to sister: Sand is rocks that disintegrated over time because of volcanoes.

--The Dunes, Michigan

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-18

You Get to Be the Girl Tonight

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Random guy in middle of large group of male friends: Ah, man! And my nipples just got like so hard right now.
Friend: Dude, man! They totally did! (chorus of laughter as they walk away)

--Fort Walton Beach, Florida

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-16

Like Your Speedo?

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Girlfriend in spa, whose bikini top is suddenly filling with air from the spa-jets: Ai! My top is blowing off!
Boyfriend: That's okay, it's not as if it was supporting anything.

--Hobart, Australia

Overheard by: JW

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-15

You Want the Physics? You Can't Handle the Physics!

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Blonde: Why did they make the sun so hot?

--Tampa, Florida

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-13

...So the Cast Of the Real World Is Out.

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Guy: We need servers who are nice, polite, legal, and will pass a drug test.

--Miami, Florida

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-12

...But Jelly Beans Are a Legume.

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!

--Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-08-11

What? The Tide Carries It Away!

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Man to wife and daughter: Hey! I've shat my pants before and it really wasn't that bad, so I'd be willing to do it again.

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-07-21

That's Your Answer to Everything!

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Girl #1: We need shade. I don't want to get burned.
Girl #2: Wha'd she say?
Girl #3: She says she's gonna be a little bitch.

--Playa Mia, Mexico

Overheard by: Peeto

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-07-20

...Have Some Fucking Family Fun!

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Attractive dad in front of giant sting ray swim tank: There will always be times in your life where you will have fear, but when you do it anyway, it makes it easier the next time. Okay, buddy?
Skinny eight-year-old with snot dripping down his nose: (nods)
Attractive dad: Okay, let's go.

--Discovery Cove, Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: I was scared

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-07-19

And Terrorists Are Da Bomb.

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:00:00 -0500

Eight-year-old boy to random adult: I want to be a terrorist just like my grandpa!
Shocked random adult: Wouldn't you rather be a police officer or a Texas Ranger or something?
Eight-year-old boy: No. They don't get paaaaaid!

--New Smyrna Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Rachel Marie

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2011-07-18