Guy #1: I’ve been married for eleven years. My wife and I are always looking for ways to keep our relationship fresh.
Girl: I’ve heard having sex in different rooms of the house helps that.
Guy #2: My wife and I just have sex with different people.
–Santa Monica Pier, California
You Mean While You Were Out Spreading Herpes?
Girl to friend in hot-pants: What have you been doing besides looking fat in those shorts all day?
–Lake Michigan
We Could Call Ourselves 'The Circle Jerks' — Unless that's Taken
Shirtless meathead #1: This is awesome. We should start a shirts-off club.
Shirtless meathead #2: Yeah. We could call it ‘Shirtless in Seattle.’
Shirtless meathead #3: But we don’t live in Seattle.
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
It's All Gone Downhill Since the Tooth Fairy Started Subcontracting
Lifeguard: What happened to your toenail?
Little boy: A monster carried it off a while ago. Around kindergarten, I think.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Super Sexy Woman
I Always Knew the Norse Had Their Fingers on the Pulse
Guy staring at topless girl speaks rapidly in Norwegian, then: Topless! Yay!
–Fraser Island, Queensland, Australia
Old Enough to Die of a Heart Attack During Sex, Old Enough to Have Sex With
A punk passes an 80-year-old woman in a t-shirt emblazoned with the word ‘Hottie.’
Punk: I’d hit it.
–Boardwalk, Ocean City, Maryland
Wait, I Just Saw You Buy a Lemonade With a 10… Bend Over
Clothed guy: Hey, got any change?
Nude guy, waving his hands in the air: I got no pockets!
–Wreck Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
This Time Jesus Turns the Beer into Fanta Grape
Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!
Young guy runs off with cup.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: also kinda drunk
Shut Your Legs a Little and Your Odds Might Improve
Woman on beach towel: I’ve never met a ferret that didn’t bite me.
–Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Laura From Aurora
How Do You Know that isn't Ted Kennedy?
Woman: Is that where George Bush lives?
Man: No, you can’t see it from here.
Woman: I bet you could see it with binoculars or something.
Man: Doubt it.
Woman: Why do you always shut me down when I have an opinion? I’m entitled to it! How do you know you couldn’t see George Bush’s house from here?
Man: There’s an island in the way.
–Kennebunk Beach, Maine