Overheard at the Beach | Best Quotes from 3-4 Weeks Ago

Now in My Dotage, I Find Myself Embittered and Alone

12-year-old boy chasing group of younger kids: Damn punk kids! Damn disrespectful punk kids! When I was young, I had respect for my elders!

--Cottesloe Beach, Perth, Western Australia

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Would You Terribly Mind Bubble-Wrapping the Car?

Lady on cell: Hello? I need to get a spare tire put on... Yes, the BMW -- my son's car. Well, I'm not actually sure what tire it is. See, my son's the one with the flat. He's a few blocks from home, and he has his own AAA number, but he said he called and he got the automated menu, and he got confused. He's only 20, and-- [pause, then] --Yes, I guess I do coddle him...

--Malibu, California

Overheard by: Danielle

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In Case of Emergency, We Use Fat Virginians

Woman: So, since the hurricane is coming, are they going to put up the hurricane shield?
Municipal employee: Hurricane shield?
Woman: Yes, the hurricane shield. Doesn't the city have a shield you put up to block the wind and such from the hurricane?!
Municipal employee: Ma'am, no such thing exists.
Woman, sarcastically: Well, aren't you guys just the most prepared beach town in America!
Municipal employee: Have a wonderful day, ma'am.

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Cebastian

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But I Feel a Lot Higher Than That

Wifey turning from looking at ocean: This is so nice. What elevation are we at?
Hubby: ... Seriously?
Wifey: Yes.
Hubby: Um... Sea level, honey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.

--Ka'anapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: D-Rock

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From Michael Moore's Bowling for Sea Lions

Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They're just play-fighting. It's a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn't kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists...

--Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco, California

Overheard by: an amused local

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Probably Has Something to Do with the Location of His Brain

Dad, about bald passerby: That guy is really bald!
Daughter: Dad, you have more hair on your butt than your head.

--Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Ryan

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All We Asked Was, "Which Way Is North?"

Big-boobed lady to a man's wife: Yes, they're real. Would you like to feel for yourself? You're staring at them more than your husband is.

--New Smyrna Beach, Florida

Overheard by: trying not to make like I was listening

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Also the Idea behind Lifesavers Candy

Girl #1, whispering: Oh my god, I'm choking on this macaroni.
Girl 2: Then how are you talking?
Girl 1: The macaroni is stuck in my throat straight up, and I'm breathing through the hole in the noodle.
Girl 2: Ohhh, that makes sense.

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: jenny

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Though I Often Doubt If They Are Worth It

Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child's first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn't in my tour book.
Native man: It's something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.

--Kohala, Hawaii

Overheard by: BLondie

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