10-year-old girl: My virgin arms! My virgin arms!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Confused

Mother to daughter reading a running magazine: Which is harder, running on a treadmill…
Daughter, yelling: Your mum!

–Tampa, Florida

Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.

–Kohala, Hawaii

Overheard by: BLondie

Girl: Are you going to go back to 24 Hour Fitness?
Guy: Gayness in my anus…

–Pacific Beach, California

Clothed guy: Hey, got any change?
Nude guy, waving his hands in the air: I got no pockets!

–Wreck Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

4 year old boy running after and pointing at a seagull: "shark"

–Balmoral Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Esquire

Girl: I lost my butthole! Oh, wait, there it is!

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Misaki

Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won't buy you a beer he ain't gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don't drink beer, you're gonna die!

–Brighton Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ramen