Elderly lady: Come now, y’all! Key West is gonna be loads of fun! They gots the Ripley’s and Cuban people!

–Lido deck, The Carnival Glory, Key West

Overheard by: y’all need an icepack on dat thang?

Bigmouth: I don’t care where we go, but I am not sitting with Allen… Oh, hi, Allen!

–Fire Island Pines, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Young kid: Awww look, you were right. Now I don’t get to punch you.

–Vero Beach, Florida

Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water–I gotta take a piss!

–Caribbean

Overheard by: Grossed Out

Male tourist speaking in German: Look at that guy's Speedo!
Female tourist speaking in German: Eeew. And his friend really needs to shave his back.
Male tourist speaking in German: I am so glad no one understands what we are saying.
Female tourist speaking in German: I know!

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: German-speaker

Preppy guy #1: God, this place totally sucks.
Preppy guy #2: No, it’s fine. You just need to embrace your inner boat person.
Preppy guy #1: Jeffy, I think these are motor boat people.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Grandma: So aren't you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Girl #1: Can you get promoted?
Girl #2: Well, right now I have like the highest position I can have, unless, like, I work my ass off and get promoted to another part of the company. But I'm just not that motivated. My goal is to just get married and not have to work.
Girl #1, laughing: Yeah, I think that's everyone's goal.

–Long Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Tara

Girl: Excuse me, what lake is this?
Street vendor: The Atlantic one.

–Portland, Maine

Girl: What’s the number for 411?

–Sag Main, Sagaponack, New York

Overheard by: Friend on the Beach