Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy's tummy.

–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut

Goth girl #1: So, the stupid cam won’t fucking stop following me.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: And I can’t adjust it or anything.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: So it’s really fucking–
Goth girl #2: –[Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: Would you fucking stop it?!

–Venice Beach, California

Drunk camper: If that dude actually comes back with a fish and starts slapping people with it, I’m leaving this island. That is just way more intensity than I am prepared to deal with.

–Lake George, New York

Overheard by: Sneaker

Kid: Wouldn't it suck if you had a boogie board with razor blades on it? It'd be like weeeee-aahhhhhhhh!

–Santa Monica, California

20-ish girl to sister: I think a shark just brushed up against my foot! [Everyone nearby stares.] Oops. I think I said that a little loud. False alert, everyone — it was just some seaweed!

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can't have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?

–Huntington Beach, California

Seven-year-old, loudly: What do you mean nana doesn't vote Democrat?!

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: The RJP

Little girl #1: Britney*, what are you doing?
Little girl #2: Building sand boobies.
Little girl #1: You know, you can turn the boobies into testicles and we can make a giant sand penis.
Little girl #2: Okay, cool.

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: Lori Lou Who

Fat guy: Oh boy, that plane looks just like a seagull. You’d never see it coming! Oh wait, that is a seagull.

–Air show, Lake Michigan

Overheard by: Steve W

Homeless man, frolicking in large waves: Do it again, Poseidon!!

–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: Daryl