Girl (pointing to sign on lifeguard tower): Hah! I thought that said “Dying is dangerous and prohibited” for a sec.
Guy: You're crazy. It says “diving!”
Girl: (pause) I know. But.. oh, whatever.
Lifeguard: Yes–we have a very strict policy… No dying!

–Corona Del Mar Beach, California

Overheard by: Dee

Cute girl walking down the boardwalk: I’ve been stared at seven times already!
Random guy walking past: Eight.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: bonzo

Girl #1: I don’t know what it is…I just think…
Girl #2: …He’s too nerdy?
Girl #1: No, but I think he might have herpes.

–Long Beach, California

Guy #1: He had his keys on the table, and a squirrel took 'em.
Guy #2: Hehehe!
Guy #1: A squirrel!

–Pacifica, California

Overheard by: M.E.

Guy #1: He had his keys on the table, and a squirrel took 'em.
Guy #2: Hehehe!
Guy #1: A squirrel!

–Pacifica, California

Overheard by: M.E.

Teen girl to teen boy: Well, it ain't gonna lick itself!

–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Chubby twink: The ’80s called, they want their lipstick back.
Chick in black with bright red lipstick: Your boyfriend called, he thinks you’re fat.

Chubby twink runs off crying, chick in black lights a smoke.

–Witty’s Lagoon, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: sleepless

Girl gives little boy a ball.

Little boy: Good looks.
Girl: Good looks?
Little boy: Yeah, that’s what black people say.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: sparky

Tourist: Where do they put the sand in the winter?
Local, sarcastically: Oh, they put it in bags and store it in the convention center.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: OC local

Little boy: Mom, who can I bury in the sand?
Mom: Bury yuh fathuh. Start wit’ his mouth.

–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey